


you're worth more, achilles

by patrichor



Series: sbi stories [7]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Good Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Destructive Behavior, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Technoblade Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Twins Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot Needs a Hug, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Wilbur Soot has PTSD, kind of so be careful, like im not saying he doesn't have daddy issues but, me? projecting?? in this economy???, one of those things is clearly hurting him more than the other, theres a fair bit of hugging ok, why does he have a tag for daddy issues and not pstd. guys.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:08:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patrichor/pseuds/patrichor
Summary: "I'm tired, Techno." He breathes, his gaze never leaving the horizon. Techno takes a cautious step closer, eyes fixed on his brother."..Yeah?" He whispers, a deep, instinctive fear creeping up his spine.Wilbur hums, nodding slowly. "Yeah."
Relationships: Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: sbi stories [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078391
Comments: 39
Kudos: 448





	you're worth more, achilles

**Author's Note:**

> ok this one gets a little rough but not too bad, there's no character death tag for a reason
> 
> also tommy is there at the beginning and the end but not for the actual suicide attempt, hes sixteen im not writing him trying to talk wilbur down except for the canonical times he did it :/ techno and phil take this one ok?? tommy's a kid he shouldn't have to deal w this
> 
> thanks for reading :)

The first sign was the safety railings.

And maybe there were other signs before, but the safety railings are the first time Techno notices. He puts them up because his dumbass twin keeps losing his balance and falling like the dramatic idiot he is, and Techno would rather he didn't break an ankle or his neck just trying to walk up and down the stairs. So when Wilbur insists on removing them, Techno at first rolls his eyes.

And then he starts to think about why Wilbur doesn't want safety railings in Pogtopia, because he doesn't believe the bullshit 'in the commune we're all equal' excuse Wilbur gave when asked. He doesn't understand, not yet. But he marks it as strange, and keeps a closer eye on Wilbur from then on.

It's only because of that extra attention that he notices how much time Wilbur spends in high places, and how little he really does eat and sleep. No wonder he keeps falling off the stairs, Techno thinks ruefully, he's malnourished and sleep-deprived. Honestly, it's a wonder Wilbur was functioning as well as he was. Even Techno sleeps sometimes, and he's widely regarded as the insomniac of the family.

So with his shit balance as a result of various unhealthy behaviors and his refusal to allow safety measures, one would think that he would stay away from large drops. And yet, almost every time Techno sees his brother, there's a potentially deadly fall mere feet away. It stresses him out more than he cares to admit, and he takes to sticking close to Wilbur, ready to catch him whenever he stumbles.

Eventually, Wilbur gets tired of his hovering.

"Techno, my dude, seriously. I'm fine, you don't need to follow me around like I'm gonna collapse at any second."

"Stop almost collapsing around cliffs, then." Techno shoots back, and Wilbur's still irritated but he laughs and they let it drop.

He's more careful after that, at least when the older is nearby, and eventually Techno eases off and returns to spending most of his time farming and gathering resources. It's not until a night he can't sleep and chooses to patrol instead of going to the potato farm like usual that he spots Wilbur, sitting at a cliff far too close to both Manburg and the edge to be safe. His heart sinks, and he starts to make his way up. He can tell his brother hears him coming from the way his shoulders hunch, and elects to settle next to him silently, giving him space to speak when and if he's ready.

They sit in silence for a long time, Wilbur slowly letting his weight shift onto his twin, and Techno rests his head on top of brown curls. Eventually, Wilbur pulls back and pushes himself up carelessly, ignoring the way he wavers from standing too fast and making his way back to the ravine. Techno watches him go with narrowed eyes, noting the way his stride lacks the confidence from their youth, legs seemed to almost stagger every few steps.

He doesn't mention anything the next day, despite the way Wilbur looks at him as if expecting to be pressed for answers. But when he can't find Wilbur the next night, he goes back to the cliff and they sit in silence together.

After the first few times this happens, Wilbur stops peering warily at him out if the corner of his eyes, and instead goes back to staring out at the horizon or the ground below.

Eventually, at one point, Wilbur speaks in a quiet voice.

"..Tech?"

Techno hums in response. "Yeah?"

Wilbur leans against his shoulder, eyes staring at the dark horizon without really taking it in. "If something happens to me.. promise you'll keep Tommy safe? Tubbo and Fundy, too, if you can?"

He knows Wilbur can feel how he stiffens, so he doesn't bother trying to hide it. "Nothing's gonna happen to you, Wilbur. You know I won't let it."

He can see the small, bitter smile on his brother's face. "Just in case. Promise me, please?"

Techno's frown only deepens, but he relents, wrapping an arm around his brother's shoulders. "I'll keep of all of you safe. Okay? I promise."

Wilbur is silent for a long moment, and there's something almost apologetic about the way he nods. "..Okay. Thank you, Techno."

They don't speak again that night, or any other nights in the next few weeks. But Techno notices that his brother seems less frantic than he had before, and hopes maybe the quiet time spent together is helping him.

He doesn't consider that there might be a worse cause.

The third sign is the way he talks, when they're planning the withers and the explosion.

"They're not gonna be happy with us." Techno mutters, looking over a map.

Wilbur hums, nodding. "Yeah, good thing you're a fast runner." He jokes, smiling grimly.

Techno glances up to find Wilbur looking at the map in his hands, seemingly unaware of what he'd just said. "We are." He says carefully, watching the confusion enter his brother's face.

"Sorry, what?"

"You said I'm a fast runner, but I'm not gonna leave you behind. I have enough supplies for a few people to get... about this far, and if there are villages on the way it can stretch further."

Wilbur blinks at him, looking distinctly uncomfortable for a moment before nodding. "Right, yeah. Of course. You know, there's not too much north of here. Go far enough, maybe through the Nether a ways, and I bet there'll be an arctic tundra. You've always liked those."

Techno nods, turning back to the map. "You sure? I know you're not big on the cold."

Wilbur waves a hand dismissively. "It's no big deal, don't worry. I'll be fine."

Were he paying closer attention, Techno might have heard the lie in his brother's voice or seen it on his face. But he wasn't, so he didn't.

The fourth sign comes from Tommy, when he brings Techno TNT he says he took from the button room itself. Techno hasn't seen the room, but from the way Tommy describes it he's sure it wasn't designed with survival in mind. Taking the TNT from Tommy, he puts a hand on his shoulder and tells him he'll talk to Wilbur.

Things between the oldest and youngest brothers haven't been right since the Red Festival, but in this moment they're united in their worry for the third. Tommy doesn't shove Techno's hand from his shoulder, but instead tells him that the reason Wilbur hadn't pressed the button was because Tommy had refused to leave the room and Wilbur was unwilling to hurt him.

Techno nods and says Tommy did the right thing, telling him. He ruffles his kid brother's hair despite his protests, and tells him everything's gonna be okay. Even despite their fighting, despite what happened to the kid's friend, he can see how desperately Tommy wants to believe him.

That night, he finds Wilbur on the cliff again. They both know something has shifted as they stand there, Wilbur on the edge and Techno behind, a step in any direction likely to destroy the fragile balance they've established and send one or both plummeting.

Wilbur can tell Techno has something to say but isn't sure how to say it, and just like when they were young he speaks first so Techno won't have to.

"I'm tired, Techno." He breathes, his gaze never leaving the horizon. Techno takes a cautious step closer, eyes fixed on his brother.

"..Yeah?" He whispers, a deep, instinctive fear creeping up his spine.

Wilbur hums, nodding slowly. "Yeah."

Techno risks another step, stopping in his tracks when Wilbur shifts away from him. "Come back to Pogtopia, then. You can sleep there."

Wilbur's shaking his head before Techno even finishes his sentence. "I can't sleep there," He says, a bitter twist to his lips. "It's dark. Small. So was the control room, did you know?"

Techno vaguely recognizes the name from stories told by Tommy when he wakes up shaking, fragments of the revolution he's pieced together to form a picture he very much dislikes.

"..Yeah. I know a little. We'll get more lanterns, okay? Then it won't be dark enough to hide an ambush." He's grasping at any glimmer of hope he can find, his heart pounding in his chest as his brother sways on the the metaphorical and literal edge of a cliff.

Wilbur just hums again, shaking his head. "Sorry, Techno. I don't think lanterns are gonna fix this one."

Techno does his best to hide how his heart sinks. "How will you know if we don't try?" He extends a hand slowly, praying his twin will reach back.

"I have tried, I've tried-" Wilbur's hands are in his hair, tugging on the curly strands. "I've tried so many times, Techno, nothing helps- nothing fucking helps, I just want to _rest_ -"

"I know, Wil, I know. Just step away from the cliff, alright? We'll figure this out." Techno inches closer, his hand still extended. "Let's go back, okay? We can go see Tommy. He's worried about you, you know."

Wilbur shudders, curling in on himself. "He- I almost hurt him, Tech, I-" His voice breaks on the word hurt. "I was so close to pressing it, even though he was there- I can't-" He chokes back a sob and Techno feels his heart break for his brother.

"But you didn't," He points out, keeping his voice gentle. "You stopped yourself, and you didn't hurt him. He's fine, remember?"

"And what about next time?" Wilbur's voice is sharp and brittle as glass. "I barely- it's only going to get worse, and I- what if I don't stop next time?"

He runs a shaking hand down his face, heedless or ignorant to the tears beginning to fall. "He's already lost two of his lives because of me. If I just hadn't started this _fucking_ nation everything would've been fine! All this... it's my fault, isn't it?"

Techno shakes his head, voice firm. "You didn't know, it isn't your fault. What Dream did durin' the revolution? Those were his choices, and he's the only one responsible for them. And what Schlatt's doing? That's his fault, not yours. You didn't make him run for president, or exile you, or be a tyrant. Those are his choices, and you can't be blamed for them."

He softens his tone, inching another step closer. "You've lost just as many lives as Tommy, Wilbur, and none of that was your fault."

"I let him participate in the duel! I should've taken his place, should've done something-"

"Were you the one that shot him?" Techno interrupts calmly. Wilbur hesitates, slowly shaking his head. "Then it's not your fault."

He sees Wilbur open his mouth to argue, but he forges on regardless. "I dunno much about the control room, but that wasn't your fault either. It's the fault of the person who chose to betray you."

"I trusted Eret, I should have known- should have seen-"

"I've been betrayed too, Wilbur. There's no way to see it coming, and you had no reason to be suspicious. There's nothin' wrong with trusting the people fighting alongside you, especially when it's such a small number."

Wilbur just shakes his head, and Techno knows he isn't getting through to him. "Wil, please just step away from the cliff. Tommy needs you, and... so do I."

Wilbur chokes on a sob, shaking his head again. "All I do is hurt people. You- you don't need me around, and I can't- I can't keep pretending to be a leader, I'm so tired-"

Techno takes a deep breath, forcing down the anxiety clogging his lungs. "Who always braids my hair before I fight? Who reminds me to sleep when I spend too long at the potato farm?"

Wilbur turns to look at him for the first time. "..Me?" He whispers. Techno nods fiercely.

"Who was the only one who could get Tommy to calm down when we were kids? Who always took care of him when Phil 'n I were busy?"

Wilbur's arms wrap around his torso, as if he's trying to physically hold himself together. "...Me."

Techno nods again. "And what about Fundy? You're his dad, Wilbur, you raised him. He needs you, alive."

He sees Wilbur start to shake his head, and forges on regardless. "You need Phil alive, right? Even when you two argue, you still love him, cause he's your dad."

Wilbur nods hesitantly.

"It's the same for Fundy. Even when the two of you fight, he still needs you alive." He can see his words are having an effect, so he presses on. "You've done so much good for us, Wilbur. So much more than just hurt people. I- do you want to call Phil? He'll tell you the same-"

Wilbur stays frozen for a moment that seems to stretch for an eternity before jerking his head in a slight nod and shifting his weight back, away from the edge.

"...I miss Phil." He says quietly. Techno nods, dialing the familiar number as fast as he can.

"Me too, Wil." He hesitates as the dial tone sounds, before taking a risk. "We can- after the rebellion, we can go visit him. Would you like that?"

Wilbur looks at him with wide eyes, but before he can answer he's cut off by Phil's voice coming from the communicator.

"Heya mate, what's going on?" His voice is calm, cutting through the tensions surrounding the brothers. "It's pretty late where you are, right? I thought you said you were gonna try and fix your sleep schedule."

"Hey, Phil." Techno says quietly, holding the communicator between him and Wilbur.

"Techno? You alright?" Phil senses the tension in his eldest's voice, just like he always has been able to.

Techno hums and holds the communicator out to Wilbur, who reaches to take it with shaking hands. "..Hi, Phil." He chokes out, holding the communicator as if afraid he'll drop it.

Phil's voice goes gentle, the way it does when he's worried but trying not to make it obvious. "Heya, Wil. You doin' okay, mate?"

Wilbur's breathing is uneven as he wipes his eyes on his sleeve. "...No." He blinks furiously, trying futilely to hold back further tears. "Phil, I- I almost hurt Tommy, I can't- I can't do this anymore."

There's a sound of movement on the other end. "Wil? Whatever- whatever happened, we can work it out, okay? Talk to me, son. What happened?"

In a hesitant, stuttering voice, Wilbur summarizes the events of the past few months. He's always processed things verbally, and Techno's shoulders lose a bit of tension as Wilbur seems to calm somewhat, talking through what's happened.

"So- you want to blow it up?" Phil's voice holds no judgement. If anyone understands a need for destruction, it's him and Techno.

Wilbur is silent for a long moment, his uneven breathing the only sound. "...Yeah. Yeah, I do. I can't- I can't fix this, Phil, I can't fix L'Manberg. It's not even L'Manberg anymore, and it- I don't think it can be ever again."

Phil hums in understanding. "And, what do you plan to do after?" His tone is just curious, not pointed, and makes a world of difference as Wilbur bites his lip and speaks, voice barely audible.

"...I don't." He shrinks in on himself as if bracing himself, and flinches at the sharp breath that comes over the communicator. But when Phil speaks again his voice is still incredibly gentle, if lined with an overwhelming sadness.

"Oh, Wil.." And it's just an audio call, but Techno can picture the exact look of loving grief on Phil's face. "Is it because of what happened with Tommy?"

Wilbur shakes his head even though Phil can't see him. This registers a moment later and he speaks, voice soft and impossibly sad. "..Not really. It- it made things.. worse, but I don't- I'm _tired, Phil, I'm so tired-_ " He cuts himself off, losing control of his emotions again. "I just want to rest. I just want it to be _over_."

"Okay," Phil murmurs. "Okay. I'm on my way. I'll be there as soon as I can, alright?"

Wilbur's head shoots up, confusion and exhaustion warring on his face. "...Phil? What- why would you-"

"Because you're my son, and I love you." Phil says it as though it's the most obvious thing in the world, stating a fundamental truth of existence. Wilbur is his son, and he loves his sons more than anything. "Can you do something for me, Wil? Just for a little while til I get there?"

Wilbur just looks tired and sad, his eyes older and sadder than a young adult's should be. "What is it?"

The sound of powerful wings beating can be heard through the communicator, loud but not drowning out Phil's voice. "I need you to hold on to Techno. Arm, hand, whatever. Just hold onto him and don't let go til I get there, okay? Can you do that for me?"

Wilbur turns to look at Techno and finally, finally, takes a slow step back from the edge. "..Okay." He breathes. "I can do that." Techno's legs feel weak with relief as he holds out his hand to his brother and Wilbur finally takes it, letting Techno gently tug him further from the cliff.

"Thank you. You're doing a great job, Wil. Just keep holding on, okay? I love you so, so much. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"..Love you too, Phil." Wilbur's grip on Techno's hand tightens as the call ends, and Techno is quick to wrap an arm around him to support him as he wobbles. He carefully leads his twin back to the ravine, ignoring the lightening sky heralding the approach of sunrise.

No sooner have they entered than they see Tommy, pacing in the ravine anxiously. His head jerks up when he hears them, and he runs as fast as he can into Wilbur's arms, nearly bowling him over. He's rambling about how worried he was when he woke up and couldn't find them, and Techno can see Wilbur's eyes going dull and glassy. It's nothing new for the brown-haired man to become overwhelmed by a lot of sensory information at once.

Giving Tommy a meaningful look, he walks Wilbur over to sit in front of their campfire settling down at his side and tucking Wilbur's head under his own as he holds his brother. He can feel trembling hands slowly wrap around him in return, and then tighten as their owner breaks down. Tommy seats himself on Wilbur's other side and also latches onto him, sandwiching the crying man between two of the three closest people to him.

Techno and Tommy share a glance over Wilbur's bowed head, and they understand each other. It's not quite forgiveness for the festival massacre or for Tubbo, not yet, but it's at least a truce. An acknowledgement of fear and circumstance and regret. It isn't forgiveness, but someday it could be.

Just as Phil asked, over the half day it takes him to fly to the SMP Wilbur doesn't let go of Techno. They spend most of the time sat either at the campfire with Techno mostly unsuccessfully trying to get Wilbur to eat, or in one of the cave rooms where Techno tries to coax his brother into sleeping.

Finally a message comes from Phil that he's arrived, and Tommy goes to spawn to bring him back. As soon as he gets into the ravine he's moving toward where Wilbur sits, head in his hands and arm looped with Techno. He doesn't register their father's presence for a long moment until he's right there, at which point he lets go of Techno and throws himself into Phil's arms. Phil holds him just as tightly, letting the feeling of his living son in his grip ease the tight ball of fear in his chest that had been growing ever since the call.

Later the family of four sits around the campfire, Wilbur and Tommy sticking close to Phil's sides. He's been filled in on the details of the situation and their plans, minus the withers and Techno's involvement with the explosion, and they all know him well enough to see his fury in the stiffness of his wings. He's no stranger to war, and anything that hurts his children is not something he will suffer to continue existing.

But he also can tell how much L'Manberg means to his two youngest, can tell that's it's more than a nation for them- it's a symbol, a home they built together. So he will not destroy it, but that does not mean he will let it destroy his son.

"Why not give it a year?" Phil suggests, and he feels his sons look at him with confusion.

"..What?" Wilbur is the first to break the silence.

"After taking back the nation. You don't believe it can come back, but why not give it a year? Come home with me and Techno, and in a year you can come back and see if it's L'Manberg again." He can see Wilbur tilt his head, considering his words, and he presses forward. "If it's impossible, then it's impossible. But why not give them a chance to try?"

Wilbur opens his mouth and closes it again, lowering his head. Phil looks across the fire at Techno, both of them sharing the thought that maybe a large part of why Wilbur doesn't want to try to bring back L'Manberg is because he feels trapped- he knows he can't do it, he's tired of leading and tired of fighting, but at the same time he doesn't feel right abandoning the others to restore the nation he founded. If Phil can provide a middle ground...

"Let them try," He urges, voice gentle. "You can come home and rest, and come back when you're ready. You don't have to lead them, okay? Come home, son."

Tommy watches, something sad and hopeful all at once in his eyes, as Wilbur puts a hand over his mouth and thinks. His eyes dart between the other three, searching their faces, and then he sighs, looking far older than his years and so, so tired.

"...Okay." He breathes, so quiet Phi can barely hear him. "Okay."

"Okay?" Phil asks softly, relief stealing his breath.

Wilbur nods hesitantly. "..Yeah. Okay."

Tommy gets up and moves around Phil, leaning against Wilbur's other side. "Thank you." He breathes, a large amount of tension melting from his shoulders.

Wilbur looks at him as if startled, eyes wet, and then he wraps his arms around his little brother and clings to him fiercely.

"I'm sorry." He whispers in return. Tommy just shakes his head, holding Wilbur just as tightly, and Phil doesn't want to disturb them but he leaves a wing draped around their backs, like he used to when they were upset but not ready to talk about it.

The two brothers fall asleep still holding on to one another, and Phil tucks blankets around them gently. He turns to see Techno watching them with undisguised affection on his face, but his eyes are shadowed and his hands shake where he has his arms folded across his chest. Phil holds out his arms and Techno walks over to him, seizing him in a tight but gentle grip. He can feel his son's breathing shudder, and folds his wings around him.

"He was so close to- I found him on a cliff, Phil, if I had been any later-" Techno buries his head in Phil's shoulder, clutching at the green fabric of his shirt like a lifeline. "I can't- I can't lose him, Phil-"

"I know," Phil murmurs, running his fingers through pink hair. "You aren't gonna lose him, okay? You got there in time. You got to him in time, okay? Everything's gonna be fine, son. We're here for him now."

Techno nods slowly, but it's several long minutes before he pulls away and settles next to Wilbur, curling around his sleeping twin. Phil sits on Tommy's other side, tucking a wing over his children.

Wilbur's eyes open slowly, looking straight ahead without really seeing anything. He knew Techno would be sad to be left behind, but he'd thought- he'd believed he would get over it before long. He wasn't prepared to be faced with the depth of his brother's fear for him- both brothers, he thinks, holding Tommy a little tighter. And he's still tired in a way sleep won't fix, and self-loathing still weaves itself his core and weighs down his bones, and the persistent whisper in his mind insists that _they're lying, they don't care, you can't trust them, just destroy it all you know you want to it's the only way-_ , but. Well. Whether that's true or not, what does he have to lose? If this is some trick, what is there left for them to take from him? His life? He would surrender it gladly. So, he'll try. One more time. He'll go home with his brother and father, leave the nation he founded to rebuild itself without him, and he'll give living one more chance. He doesn't believe much will come of it, if anything, but he remembers the look on Tommy's face in the button room trying to talk him down, and in the ravine after he agreed to leave things be, and he sighs almost inaudibly. He'll try to live, just this one more time. For his baby brother's sake. He lets his eyes slip shut, and drifts into sleep surrounded by his family, feeling safer than he has since leaving home with a guitar and a dream.

The small family stays curled together through the night, hope lost and found again and broken bonds starting the process of being repaired. It's not over, not by a long shot- there is still Schlatt to deal with, and Dream, there's a new leader to be chosen and a rebellion to be fought and a corrupt government to overthrow. But for just this one night, they have peace.

**Author's Note:**

> might fuck around and make this a series idk
> 
> i've been working in this a little at a time over the past few days, i think it shows tbh lmao
> 
> n e way watch me inserting my takes on why wilbur actually wanted to blow everything up lmao :' like i've heard ppl theorize it was spite or w/e and like. rip to them but im different :)
> 
> also i did actually plan out the government w/out wilbur (give the man a break jeez) but i didn't say anything bc a) it didn't fit in this entry and b) it might be the same as the new government im planning to set up in tbabowfy,,, idk yet im not done w that one


End file.
